In a split second, light becomes dark. Day becomes night. Everything just becomes a blur.

It takes just one well-timed punch to send weeks and months of hard work crashing down to the canvas. The eyes close. In the background, the distant noise of a roaring crowd, many in disbelief, rings through his ears.

Julian Rabaud could feel his face burning. His eyes were hurting and his heart was breaking. So much began to run through his mind as he stood up in disbelief. So many people would be disappointed. So many people would feel ripped off… So many people would find joy in the pain of “The Jackal.”

“I think after the last fight, it was kinda clear that I was in a bit of shock with the outcome, and I think a lot of other people were, too,” Rabaud confessed to The MMA Corner. “I think some people might have understood the loss, but I was obviously one of those people that didn’t understand. We’ve spoken about my anxiety before, and it being a massive problem in my life. Conquering that and putting that behind me was the best thing that happened to me—being able to be confident and live life and doing what I do without having to worry about the anxiety and having panic attacks before a fight. After the last fight, though, when I was getting off the floor and getting into the back room, it just hit me. I fell into a massive panic attack. I knew what it was and I was scared.”

Rabaud (Nitro MMA)

Rabaud (Nitro MMA)

After his 25-second loss to Ben Nguyen at Nitro 11 that saw Rabaud relinquish his bantamweight championship, Rabaud turned everything off and went to Sydney. The anxiety had hit again and the best thing to do was to get away from it all. The best thing to do was to get away from that fight, to be as far away as possible.

“The last thing I wanted to do was look at that fight, think of the fight, think of that time, so I jumped on a plane and I left to Sydney, where I spent time with my girlfriend looking after me, and I just felt so much fucking heartache about the fight. That anxiety, it almost killed me. When you’ve got a barrel of a shotgun pointed to your head, you think a bit differently,” Rabaud admitted. “You start thinking about yourself, you start thinking about your family and you start thinking about your life. And unfortunately, I’m not gonna lie, fighting for me, all that shit that went on, I was quite upset with myself. I was quite upset with what happened and the fact that I didn’t know that this could happen to me and this demon and this personal thing inside me could come back and haunt me again.

“I’d been in Sydney for five months. I hadn’t spoken about the fight. I didn’t read the magazine that came out [about me]. I never fucking bought it. I didn’t wanna know anything. I was very, very, very beside myself, and basically, three nights ago, I was back on medication and come off again and everything was all good and I was coming strong. When it comes to fighting, that sacrifice or the threat of me being touched up or being knocked out or rocked, it sorta dawned on me, is this gonna happen every time? I just had to dwell on it a bit, and I thought it was time that I looked at that fight again.

“And I did. I watched it and I watched it, probably about 20 times. And I know it was only a short fight, but I sat there and I watched it. I’ve been hit so hard in the gym. I’ve been bashed around by guys three times the size of Ben, and that’s something that I credit myself on. I’m not an athletic guy. I don’t have the ability, I don’t have the brains—I’m simple. Ben was very smart, but I credit myself on being tough. I never ever expected that outcome. He knew me. He knew me well. He watched a lot of my last fight. He knew that I move back, and he knows that I’m really calm about being struck in the head. He capitalized on that because I waited too long. He did a good job of stopping me so soon, and if he was gonna do it, that’s how he had to do it.”

Reflection is an integral aspect of moving forward for any fighter. Anybody who continues to focus on their shortcomings inside the cage is not going to ever be able to succeed again. For Rabaud, that meant watching the tape that he had avoided for so long, and then, working out an action plan.

“After I watched it, and I booked a plane ticket and I got on the plane and I landed early this [Monday] morning, I went straight to my gym and I was welcomed there by my team and we trained,” Rabaud recalled. “And then later, I trained that night. I wasn’t ready to face some things. I’m still human. I’m embarrassed and ashamed, all these feelings I’ve never felt before. You don’t train for that. There’s nothing you can do to prepare yourself for that. That’s the fight game. I had to fucking man up. I had to look down the barrel of that gun and say, ‘Alright, you’re gonna have to kill me, ’cause this is something that I love.’ I’ve got it in my blood. I can’t walk away; I have to fight. I’m back. I’m back on the scene. I’m back in the gym. I’ve got nobody on my mind but me. I’ve got some things to clear up with Nitro and then I’ll be back, and it’ll be on Nitro. I’m not interested in fighting anywhere else, and I want my belt back.

“All the bullshit aside, I’m sleeping on the floor in the gym. I’ve put myself there, not because I don’t have anywhere else to go. All my family is here, all my friends—I’ve got plenty of places to go. I put myself there because I don’t want no sympathy; I don’t want hugs and kisses. I wanna be left alone and work on me. I wanna change a lot about my style, as a person, as a man and as a mixed martial artist. Maybe I’ll start to concentrate on being a mixed martial artist [who] isn’t a brawler. I’m always gonna look to bang on someone and get that finish. There’s some things I wanna get to know in myself. There’s a lot for me to work on.”

As far as a return to the cage goes, Rabaud isn’t looking to rush into things. Coming back from a loss can be one of the most important fights of a career, and working on how to ensure that the same thing doesn’t happen again is at the forefront of Rabaud’s mind.

“I’m not looking to do anything until early next year, and I’m gonna train right through,” he revealed. “Nitro have a show in October, and I think Ben will probably defend his title. Hopefully he keeps it—I like to right the wrongs. I did it with Chris [Morris]. There’s no reason why I can’t or won’t do it with Ben. He can understand that. If he went out the same way and he wanted a rematch, I’d give it to him. The guy’s a superstar. He’s had over 20 fucking fights or something. I’m up for the challenge. I’m up for the fight. I’m not scared of any obstacle, and I don’t think that any obstacle can’t be moved with what’s on my mind and my heart.

“I know he’s got skills. I know he’s quick. But I tell ya what he had on that night and it wasn’t one of them—he had nothing but luck. It was nothing but fucking luck. That’s all it is when you knock someone out, and I’ve had luck before, too, but I don’t get to show who the fuck I am. And that was a fight that I got to and it never happened. It’s not about the fuckin belt, all that glitter and shit—not interested. You know what’s bigger than a belt? A name. The man. A real man in front of ya, that’s the fucking biggest thing to conquer, and that’s all I’m interested in. It may not be him, it may be someone else, but whoever it is, I’ve big things to make right.

“I’ve got nothing else. I’ve got nothing else. You don’t make no money in this sport, you don’t eat in this sport, you don’t get fucking nothing in this sport. I just wanna fight and beat the man in front of me. People talk about big pictures and the UFC and all that. That’s a big fucking company, man. There’s a lot of talent out there. At the end of the day, I just wanna beat whoever the fuck is in front of me and I wanna be the hero of the night. That’s it. That’s all it is now.”

A big part of Rabaud’s competitive advantage is his ability to cut so much weight leading up to a fight. Of course, there is also a detriment that comes with such a skill.

“I cut 20 kilograms for the fight [with Nguyen]. I cut seven kilograms the day before the fight and, man, I was tired. I was ready to have a nap before he hit me,” Rabaud admitted. “When I fight people, it’s no secret, I’ll give it to every fucking opponent that’s ever gonna face me, this little bit of advice: you’ve spent more time in the gym working on your technique, your game plan, your skill, your fucking strengths, all that shit, you should be better on the fucking night. I’d be insulted if you’re fuckin not, because all I do is cut fucking weight. I don’t get to fucking do all this fancy shit. I gotta cut weight ’cause I’m a short guy with short arms and I’m thick. I’m fucking fat. I’ve gotta cut that weight to fight guys my height. I might step it up, I might go to 65 [kilograms]. I can’t fight guys with the reach and all that.

Rabaud (Facebook.com/julz.jackal.5)

Rabaud (Facebook.com/julz.jackal.5)

“I care about my record. I care about my sheet before I go to bed—I wanna be clean. I wanna fight guys that are good match-ups. I wanna make my name. It’s just a fucking street fight if the match-ups aren’t right, and you can do that at the pub. You can fucking play snakes and ladders all night. At the end of the day, to fight, I’ve gotta cut that weight. And it’s a miserable thing, but I know that’s what I gotta do. I’m putting it all on the table. At the end of the day, you’ve gotta fight.

“I based my whole camp on fucking Ben being the fucking Karate Kid and he came out like fucking Bruce Lee and blasted on me. I’m not scared to tell people these little things about me, my weaknesses or whatever. I come in drained. I’ve gotta fix that. I’ve gotta put more juice in the tank. That’s what I need to do. I’m still learning who I am—as a man, as a fighter.”

After his loss to Nguyen, Rabaud was met with a great deal of criticism on social media. He knew it was bound to happen, considering his vocal presence. He leaves nothing to the imagination with his confidence, both in and out of the cage. But as his critics talked, Rabaud kept to himself. Adding fuel to the fire isn’t his forte, after all. He prefers to be the one that starts the blaze.

“All these drug allegations, people sayin’ ‘Jackal’s on drugs, that’s why he lost his fight’—no, dickheads. Jackal is fucking human, that’s why he lost the fight,” Rabaud exclaimed. “I didn’t like that people were saying I was smoking ice and apparently I’m doing this and that. I fucking wish that I smoked ice, because it wouldn’t be such a fucking hard weight cut, would it? It frustrates me. People are so low, though. These are people that can’t fight, won’t fight, don’t fight. I don’t say anything, though. I just sit back and wait, and then I’ll tell my story. I just wanna be the best that I can possibly be. I wanna fucking show people what I’ve got. I wanna show ‘em what I can take [and] that I can give out a bashing. Hell, I don’t even care if I’m the one getting bashed. I’m not giving up.

“I’m coming fucking fight ya. I’m fighting with myself right now—I’m fighting in my head. I’ve got so much going on. I’ve got debt. I lost some money. I’ve got anxiety. Some people are really shy; they don’t wanna express this kinda stuff. I’m happy with who I am. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and everyone does, and I’m not someone to say I didn’t make them. I put my hand up and I say, ‘Yeah, I did it.’ I just hope people can understand. I fix the fucking problem. When the gun was pointed at my head, you don’t think about nothing else. Unfortunately, it’s human nature that you worry for yourself. I’m kinda happy this shit has happened, and it’s happened for a reason. And I’m gonna keep it close to me. I’m bitter, I really am.”

At the best of times, fighting professionally can be a tough business. Working so hard in preparation for a fight to have that feeling of bliss taken away from you, that can cause any proud competitor to question exactly what they are doing. Rabaud knows that with a loss comes the chance to win again, and that’s what he now looks forward to the most.

“I wanna sit up on that fucking cage,” Rabaud confessed. “It feels like I’ve never sat up on that cage. I know no fighter trains as hard as me in that division. No one does. I’m not expecting to lose at all. I wanna fuckin get out there again; I wanna say I’m sorry. I wanna show I’m sorry to Nitro. I wanna give the people what they wanted to see, what I hyped, what we published, all that. Fuck, I just wanna give it all back, everything that we promised. That’s the worst thing, telling the world that you’re gonna do something and not being able to do it. And it happens day in and day out with fighters. And for anybody where that has happened, they should fix it, or at least fucking try.

“That’s why I’m back in Queensland. I’ve ripped myself down into pieces so that I can put myself back together the way I want to. I’m in pieces right now, and now I’m gonna put it all together. Every time I get on the phone, I give you a piece of me. It’s just me. There’s no sugar; there’s no fucking confetti. That piece, it’s me on paper, and that’s all there is to it. And now it’s time for me to put it all together.”

Julian would like to thank everybody that has contacted him through social media over the past few days and would like to express his gratitude for the support that he has been getting. Follow Rabaud on Facebook.

About The Author

Staff Writer, Australia

Located in Queanbeyan, New South Wales, Neil Rooke has been writing about the sport of MMA since 2011. In the past, Neil has written for Cage Junkies and has written for Fight! Magazine as well as Fist! Fight Magazine. Neil is also a regular contributor to Fight! Magazine Australia and Yahoo! Sports Singapore.

  • ct

    What a complete tosser..and not because he lost in such a spectacular way, but because at the weigh in he acted like a massive bellend. Ego bigger than talent.

    • anon

      learn to be humble or be humbled

  • Cock Meat Sandwich

    Douchebag, who cares

  • dk

    I’m happy he lost and feels terrible about himself. He deserves it.

  • John Ax

    He’s not going to win again. Not ever.

  • Ybow

    What a fucking joke this guy is. LOL

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  • HL

    Thought he’d be more self-reflective, but he’s still making excuses…

    1. kills you to make weight
    a. so you don’t train
    b. so you’re exhausted on fight night
    2. too “small” to beat guys in the next weight class

    so now what? he’s basically built a bulletproof excuse for getting beat where ever he fights. that is cowardly. takes guts to fight in the cage…not gonna take that away from the guy…but takes more guts to own up to the fact that you lost. ben was better that night…period.

    my opinion: either don’t fight or don’t make excuses. man up bruh.

  • Jim

    What glory? This guys a total sore loser and represents everything that’s wrong with professional fighting. He tried to be a bully, got his ass thoroughly and quickly handed to him, then paints himself as a victim due to anxiety disorder and his opponents “luck”.

    No where in this puff piece does he take any sort of responsibility, for his lack of skill or shit attitude. Douchebag crybaby.

    • Mike Hawk

      Nailed it

  • rikishibruh

    excuses and excuses “the guy knocked me out in 20 seconds because he had no other way to beat me” hahahahahaha

  • Stop crying

    My god what a huge weenie. You lost, and you feel upset ok, but why go on and on making every excuse how you have anxiety, you had to cut weight, you’re small, you were tired, Ben was lucky wah wah wah. What a huge baby that’s just embarrassing. Have some respect for yourself and the sport and your peers.

  • Kristen

    What a lame excuse of a man… lol

  • twattooed

    what a fucking dickhead. acted like a tool at weigh in, got KTFO in under a minute… the ben is just a big bully picking on the little tattooed twat. hahaha

  • Matt

    Little tatty got rekt!

  • OUTFOXEM

    “It was nothing but fucking luck.”

    Don’t worry Ben. It’s obvious he doesn’t remember the fight.

  • The guy’s an utter loser, a joke. Hope he gets knocked about a LOT more.

  • Julian Wanker

    i want to see that little bitch get knocked out again,,.

  • LL

    All bullshit… all about himself. No praise to his opponent who also work really hard. At the end of the fight, it’s all about win and lose and sportsmanship. This guy lost without any sportsmanship. All I see is just a kid who can’t take the pain and cry.

    • LL

      Oh…. and then ran away.

  • Saigon T J Nguyen

    Likes to everyone that posted. This guy really thinks his history on and off paper makes home. You in a spectator sport respect that and respect what you went through and the people that paid to watch the match. You f’d up at the weigh in and I the ring.

  • Saigon T J Nguyen

    Likes to everyone that posted. This guy really thinks his history on and off paper makes him. You in a spectator sport respect that and respect what you went through and the people that paid to watch the match. You f’d up at the weigh in and In the ring. Asking for a second chance is the same thing as breaking up with your spouse and asking to be taken back

  • JP

    People who are legitimately strong, and know they’re strong don’t need to act like meatheads to try and intimidate their opponent as Jackoff did at the weigh in. Notice how calm Nguyen remained, despite Jackoff’s provocation. In his mind, he already knew he was going to annihilate Jackoff the next day.

  • cheza za

    whatever shit he tried to come up with, it’s never gonna change the past: the cockiness and low life attitude as a fighter he showed all of us, he will still be the shittiest fighter ever who abused fame and power, this kind of man needs to be taught a lesson, out from this world if possible, I have zero respect for this kind of a man, he is piece of shit.

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  • tuluvavellala

    it was 20 seconds not 25. dont be biased towards your kind you journos

  • That’s the most amount of self-indulgent nonsense I’ve ever read, and this is after a loss. Imagine if he had won that fight.

  • mike

    julz the fag

  • astrobong

    This guy makes fighters with tattoos look really, really, really bad and questionable – NO HONOR. What a coward loser at the weigh ins…..trying to be psychological cause he knows that is the only way to win for him… emotional blackmailing and a poker face, haha! Nothing but luck until BEN!

  • what a loser

    excuses. so much faeces came out of his mouth. took an eternity to spew all that bullshit, takes a couple seconds to get knocked out in the ring.

  • PK

    he should’ve just pulled the trigger

  • Ilya Arkadiev

    Not feeling sorry for this “The Jackass” at all. Anxiety or not, he is a hole who tried to bully his mark and got his arse kicked.

  • Maulana Wahyudi

    Craaaaaaawwwwling iiiin my skiiiiiiiiiinn

  • bob

    Wow sorry Julian, I am Australian too and I believe you deserved to be knocked on your arse after behaving like that.
    Somewhere in the last 20 years or so. people have started equating being angry with being strong.
    They are 2 very different things.

    I hope you have learned respect for other fighters and people since this, you had no right to treat someone that way.

  • The Rock

    Man up you little pussy!

  • John Li

    Sounds like he’s been hit in the head too many times. ““I know he’s got skills. I know he’s quick. But I tell ya what he had on
    that night and it wasn’t one of them—he had nothing but luck. It was
    nothing but fucking luck.” I guess his definition of “luck” = skills and quickness. LMAO. He just needs to face the fact that he lacked the skills and the quickness that night. I guess he was out of luck. smh

  • Carlo Angelo Brogdon

    Douche bag! Just admit that the other guy was and is better than you then and now, stop blaming your “condition” and take it like a man! You acted like a bad ass ay the weigh in, where’s that guy now??

  • Tom

    Everyone gets anxious, some worse then others. But if you had bad anxiety, why would you get your face covered in tattoos? I have horrible anxiety (believe me, as serious as it gets) and I hide in the shadows, I could never draw attention to myself like that.

  • Post 1

    Total luck huh? Couldn’t even the guy that beat him the respect he deserves. Sounds like its coming from the same guy that showed no mutual respect during the weigh in. What a disappointment of a competitor.

  • vv

    If you’re going to act like your opponent deserves no respect (like at the weigh in), you have to be able to back it up. This dumbass couldn’t and the rightful winner took the glory in 25 seconds! Learn some respect or next time, pull the trigger Julian!

  • mma99

    what a joke, he act’s like he’s a god in this sport… Nobody in the US has heard of him… Don’t say it was a lucky punch, it was a timed punch… He lives for the attention, look at him, tattoo’s all over his face.. for 2 reason’s, the attention, and wants to intimidate people because he knows inside he’s scared, he already admitted to being scared.. that’s why he put on the show at weigh ins, to try and get the upper edge.. Ben one of the most technical fighters out there.. I know, I fought him. And I lost, but i didn’t go around saying it was luck. His article was nothing but excuses, he wants to be a hero for the night, you can’t be a hero until you become a man.. this guy has a long way to go before he becomes that… The putting a gun to his head over losing a fight? You want anymore sympathy? Enjoy sleeping on the “gym” floor, and after you lose to a few more guys enjoy doing dishes.

  • Yy89

    Get some more tattoos mate, try to be more intimidating at weigh in mate. Your only tactics aye? Other than crouching and getting hit for 30.

  • Chris Campbell

    So did the writer of this article go in and blow Jackoff after the fight? Sheesh. What a bunch of spun garbage.
    Nice tats. LOL. Tool. Unfortunately those don’t win fights. Men aren’t scared of ugly art. LOL

  • ajay

    On a positive note I think Julz and Neil make a really nice couple. I have nothing but respect for Neil’s sturdy asshole and it’s unrivaled ability to withstand lengthy, violent poundings each time “The Jackal” loses yet another fight.

    “But as his critics talked, Rabaud kept to himself. Adding fuel to the fire isn’t his forte, after all. He prefers to be the one that starts the blaze.” ………lol

  • George

    Long article, lots of words. As Master Ken would put it…Bullshit!

    Bullshit to the author who sympathized, Bullshit to Julz the Pussay, Bullshit to his career.

  • He showed minimum respect for his opponent at the weigh-in…Nguyen should have knocked him out there and then. He showed a lot of restraint. This Rabaud prick thinks he looks like some Maori warrior or some bollocks…anyone who things having tattoos all over your face and body makes you a hard man deserves to end up on the deck like this sorry cunt…

  • Peter Cowen

    Yeah Fedor and his brother are twice the fighters this dick is, as are many others without acting like a complete dick.

    The lack of skill, aggression happens.

  • LOL

    your tattoos are tough as fuk bro

  • Disg

    not only you got anxiety and unfair weight loss and lack of luck, you must had got incontinence from hit to passing out all these bullshit. why don’t you start a writing career and do chick flick with all these inner emotions.

  • Mike Hawk

    No sportsmanship. Absolutely no class. Talked a whole bunch of shit but couldnt back it up and when he lost, he runs away to Australia for months. Why don’t you just stay there. America doesnt want you back

  • TwoKick

    “Julian would like to thank everybody that has contacted him through
    social media over the past few days and would like to express his
    gratitude for the support that he has been getting. Follow Rabaud on Facebook.”

    who are these people supporting this douche bag? acts like a douche bag and cries like a baby. watch this space, i see a quicker trip to jail then his trip to the floor

  • OnlyMeAndI

    I guess the ego was to big. And not every knockout is luck. I have been a boxer for a long time, and he over commit on every punsh. If you a striker you would have been knocked out again.

  • capriciouscapuchin

    what a joke, big tough bully who behind the scenes has a “sensitive side” who got his ass handed to him.

  • Tuan Nguyen

    Why don’t you say thank to that referee to rescue you from brain damage. I guarantee you MMA will not allow you to come back because you are a worthless piece of shit fighter. You don’t deserve to fight any MMA fighter again. Oh talking about rematch with Ben, that is funny because Ben is already way up high 1000 miles from you. You need to fight to get up there and keep dreaming. One recommendation for you. Be respect to your opponent.

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  • Saddam Hussein

    didn’t read any of this because he’s a woman bashing dog, he should have just blown his fucking head off.

  • rai chu

    Cocky piece of messy canvass. You acted like a total ass on the weigh-in so here’s the biggest middle finger for you. ..!..

  • Jake the snake

    You’re fucking gay, Julian. Your chin is weak, you have bad technique, and you fight like a dimwit. If you really watched that humiliating and career ending knockout delivered by Ben, you would’ve realized that and just quit your day job and work at a used record store. Have a terrific life, asshole.

  • u wot m8

    Covert narcissism at it’s best.
    The wounded pride is crying.